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| Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for. - | |
| Steven Wright | |
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Humor Quotes | |
| Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar. - | |
| Terry Pratchett | |
Humor Quotes | |
| Specifically, I’d like to debate whether cannibalism ought to be grounds for leniency in murders, since it’s less wasteful. - | |
| Bill Watterson | |
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Humor Quotes | |
| Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - | |
| W.C. Fields | |
Humor Quotes | |
| Statistically speaking, there is a 65 percent chance that the love of your life is having an affair. Be very suspicious. - | |
| Scott Dikkers | |
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Humor Quotes | |
| Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken! - | |
| Chuck Palahniuk |