Humor Quotes | |
| I think that men ought to treat women like something other than weaker men with breasts. - | |
| Jim Butcher | |
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Humor Quotes | |
| I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. - | |
| George Carlin | |
Humor Quotes | |
| I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. - | |
| Rodney Dangerfield | |
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Humor Quotes | |
| I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places. - | |
| Henny Youngman | |
Humor Quotes | |
| I told you I didn’t want to go. Of course, I really did want to go, but I just said I didn’t want to go so you’d beg me to go and I could feel needed. I’m needy like that. - | |
| Jarod Kintz | |
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Humor Quotes | |
| I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - | |
| Woody Allen |